Here I am, deceiving you again/
I changed my mind.
Fickle shrew I am.
One year later, standpoint's switched
Here I am being a total b***h
I want you for my own,
But last time I said no.
Too late I've realized
- I love you after all.
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Hi Arceli,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed both poems, probably the first a little more than the second, but both were effective and engaging. I agree overall with Sharla that the first poem's wording could be denser (to use our text's term). Try taking out a few words to make greater use of your images. Let the images do the heavy lifting for you. Good poems. dw
I really enjoyed this poem. It is different in that it uses punctuation that we don't often see in poems. The forward slash for instance in the first line
ReplyDelete"Here I am, deceiving you again/"
which is also mirrored in the title shows the about-face that the person in the poem makes in her stance and attitude- very creative.
A suggestion that I do have though would be in breaking up the last line with the one before it with a hyphen
"Too late I've realized-
I love you after all"
I think it would do visually and cognitivly what the forward slash did in the begining of the poem to illustrate and reinforce the persons realization, resignation and regret.
Arceli,
ReplyDeleteThis was my favorite of your 3 poems. I really liked the overall meaning because it is something that many of us can relate to.
For suggestions, I was thinking that you could extend the poem and show more of a backstory. You could talk about what happened a year ago. Also, you could add some imagery to make the poem more vivid in the reader's mind.
I like the slash in the first line, but other than that, I don't think you need the other punctuation at the end of the rest of the sentences. However, I do like Emy's idea for the last two lines.
Good job!